Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
