I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
