More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
