Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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