so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
