I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
