I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
false alarm. still invincible.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
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Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
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Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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