so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
