She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
