I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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