I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
