Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
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I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
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Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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