i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
