so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
