Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So many bounce houses so little time
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
