I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
