i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Boobs are out for the taking
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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