remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
