sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
