Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
