Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
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I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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