remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
