Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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