when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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