Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
