who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
