That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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