woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
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