If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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