I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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