Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
