Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
