Sober January is a disaster.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
