So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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