sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
