the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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