Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
