Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
