hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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