And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
