oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
