big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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