yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
