we're blogging at a bar
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
