I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
