i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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