I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
