I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
