You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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