About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
