Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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