Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
