just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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