the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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