Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
