id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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