I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
