So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
