Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
