im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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