every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
