its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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