I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
