K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize