i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
