I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
