the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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