I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
