Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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