It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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