we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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